The New Super Bowl Movie Trailers, Ranked

Look, it’s it’s pretty easy to tell that I’m not much of a sportsman (my website literally states my physical state in the URL), so the Super Bowl isn’t really my jam. I’ve always been more a fan of the commercials, and an even bigger fan of the new movie trailers we get every year. While I would love to talk about David Harbor’s tide campaign (as this too is secretly a Tide Ad), there isn’t enough internet for me to do that. So without further ado, here’s my ranking for the new Super Bowl trailers. To start…

Damn You, Crocodile Dundee

How in the hell did this happen. Two months ago, there was a Crocodile Dundee sequel announced staring Danny McBride and Chris Hemsworth. I was befuddled, but as their marketing campaign started rolling, I became genuinely intrigued. Then, like everyone else, I realized this was not intact a film, but an elaborate advertisement from Australia’s tourism board. I don’t know why I’m surprised that an island full of criminals would do something so deceitful. Damn you, Australia.

7. Solo: A Star Wars Story

I know, I know, I railed against Solo in my Ten Most Anticipated List, and I’m starting to eatables a pattern here. Yes, while I will gladly concede that this certainly looks like a beautiful movie, I wasn’t never concerned about how it would look. We all know that this movie will be gorgeous, what we don’t know is how the plot, characters, performances, or direction will turn out. It really bugs me that they don’t give us a single shot of Alen Erinrich speaking. You could argue that their trying to build anticipation for the film, but considering it comes out in less than 4 months, and they had to bring an acting coach on set to help him, the future doesn’t look to bright for the galaxy’s favorite scoundrel.

6. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

JWFK (as is shall hence forth be know) had it’s work cut out for itself. The first trailer was… underwhelming at best, and I really wasn’t expecting much from the final product. Then, like the sly dog I assume he is, J.A. Bayona gave me that shot of a monster dinosaur in a little girls bedroom. I read an interview with JWFK writer Colin Trevorow, who said this sequel is designed to be a Spanish-style horror/thriller that just happens to have dinosaurs in it, and from this trailer, that certainly seemed to be the case. I’m still not completely sold, but this moved me from completely uninterested to genuinely curious about JWFK.

5. A Quiet Place

This trailer is fine, honestly, theres nothing particularly bad about it, it just didn’t really “wow me.” It follows the same basic premise as the full length one: Family walks through the forest without shoes, the little idiot boy does something to make noise, sexy John Krasinski does something to make it better, monsters, etc., etc. It’s a fine tv spot, it just didn’t introduce anything new. Go watch the first full length trailer if you want a better idea of this flick.

4. Avengers Infinity War

Each of the trailers listed so far have all followed the same basic format. It’s mostly just glamor shots of their best set-pieces with very little story thrown into the mix. Again, this Avengers trailer introduces very little new into the narrative (although, those arm shields on Cap, my goodness) but I liked this “highlight reel” best. We get new shots of every Avenger, and it ends with Thanos smirking off camera. Consider my boxes checked. We’ll likely get a second, full length trailer about a month away from the release date, but honestly, I’d be completely ok if we didn’t. The first trailer was incredible, and I don’t know how I could be any more excited to see this film.

3. Skyscraper

Guys, The Rock fights a building. We’ve reached peak moviemaking and everyone else can pack it up and call it a day. This ranks so high because this isn’t a “highlight reel” style trailer, as it actually delivered a good overview of what the plot will be. Terrorists are taking over a building, The Rock’s family is trapped inside, oh, and the building is on fire. Color me shocked, but I’m in. This looks to be another hit in the onslaught that is Dwayne Johnson’s career, and I was taken by surprise at the amount of heart conveyed in this short little spot. Whether the movie will be any good, I have no idea, but Johnson is continually challenging himself and I’m sold.

2. Mission Impossible Fallout

Dammit, if I don’t love these movies. I’m fudging a little bit here, and ranking the full length trailer that appeared online, not the thirty second one the actually aired during the Super Bowl. Tom Cruise apparently has a fear of dying in his sleep, because the man clearly wants to go out in spectacular fashion. Cruise tweeted that Fallout is the largest practical action movie ever. While I don’t know if that’s true, based on the previous entries to the MI series I’m inclined to believe him. I cannot wait for this film to hit theaters, and I cannot wait to hold my breath with anxiety as Ethan Hunt defies the laws of physics and magic onscreen. Also, Henry Cavill has a mustache, and I realized how much better Justice League would have been if they’d just let him keep it.

1. The Cloverfield Paradox

Ok, I’m cheating again a little bit. While this trailer certainly got me excited to see the movie, what got me even more excited is the way Netflix has decided to handle this film. Immediately after the game ended, a mere two hours after the very first ever trailer aired, Netflix dropped The Cloverfield Paradox live on it’s streaming site. Seriously, you can watch this right now. This is unprecedented. I’ve always dreamed of a studio making a movie in secret, and then surprise releasing worldwide. We almost got this with 2015’s 10 Cloverfield Lane, but now, it’s finally happening. Leave it to Netflix to make one of the ballsiest moves in entertainment history.

Now If you’ll excuse me, I have a movie to watch.

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